October 1st, 2005

MSN

Logged me out :( its crap :( I was in the middle of a conversation and now he has gone and I didn't even get to tell him I love him and goodnight or anything. I wish he was here now. I love him. He thinks I will get over it. He thinks that it will go away and it won't. It just won't.

(no subject)

I wish he knew how much he has helped me tonight. All week I haven't managed to chat to him because of things going on here. It's been so stressful here, and although there is family around etc I just wanted to talk to him because of the way he makes me feel inside. I hope I get to chat to him again tomorrow night. I miss his cuddles a lot because being in his arms just felt so right. I wish I could explain the way he makes me feel but I can't. I feel like I am continually hurting people around me. People expect me to be something I am not. I get so much pressure on me to do this, or do that. Do they really want me to be something I am not? do they really want me to hurt people around me? I can't lie to myself, I can't lie to other people. It's just not me.

I really hope I get to meet up with him again soon, I will do anything to sort things out and make things simple. To me love is so important....if you love someone and they love you too then you are meant to be together.

I have only been in love once apart from now....and that was with Gareth, sometimes I wish I hadn't drove him away but at the end of the day we wanted such different things from life. I know I will be sat here single when I am 30 because I know the man I love can't be with me and I can't let him go and I am not willing to. He makes me feel good. I wish I could help him too but I can't. If he wants to do something about his situation I know he will. He doesn't think he is strong enough but I know he is. He has me here to help him all the way.

His touch, his smile, his eyes, his laugh is what makes me happy. I am so glad I met him, I am so glad we cuddled, I am so glad we kissed. The day I met him was the best day of my life and no one can take that memory away from me. He made me realise I can love.

(no subject)

I just went for a walk with Mum, Anna and Lilly and I fell over :( My ankle gave way. I have been feeling really shaky the last few days. Just not that well to be honest. Think things have been getting on top of me a bit to be honest...just at home.