Ellen Stafford (chicaboo25) wrote,
Ellen Stafford

It just gets better and better...NOT

My life isn't all that great at the moment. Though it's not really anything wrong with me it's just the people around me which of course I care about deeply.

Today has been rough, basically Anna is still not very well and sometimes I get very down about it all because I don't know if any of my friends has lived around someone who is depressed and gets the same obsessive thoughts going around their head. It's frustrating to keep having to say the same things over and over each day to help her but if it makes her feel better I will. Soon the tablets should kick in then things in that area should calm down a bit and I think Anna is going to go to counsolling. It's a funny old world. I always saw my sister as someone so much stronger than me, but I guess we are kind of alike in a lot of ways. I am really glad that Anna and Ben didn't move out now because at least they have me here to help them at this difficult time.

Luckily today was my day off work because Mum didn't come down here for long because she had a call from Pam (my grampy's wife) to say that he was gravely ill and was being taken into hospital. So mum has been at the hospital all day. My Auntie Sarah came up from Totnes, Devon as well. We got a call around 3pm from Mum to say he had made a decision to have a operation. Basically he had the choice of either going into a coma and dying with in the next 48 hours or having this operation which he may not of survived and therefore having a little time left, 6 months at the most. He is the most bravest man and unselfish man I have ever known. He decided to have the operation because he said he has had a good life and he wants it to last as long as it can. So he went and had the operation and my other auntie, Auntie Jenny drove up from Truro, Cornwall to see him.

At about 7:00pm Mum and Auntie Sarah came over here to see us, my grampy had the operation and had come through it ok and was now sitting up chatting and everything. Mum and Auntie Sarah wanted to leave Auntie Jenny, Uncle Cameron and Lisa (my cousin) with him for awhile as they were up visiting and were then driving back to Cornwall. There was also a big atmosphere, basically because Mum and Auntie Jenny hadn't seen each other since I was about 7 so that is like 19 years, there has been so many family arguments mainly steming back to the time when my family owned a post office. I wasn't even born or anything and money went missing and just basically everyone fell apart. Mum made up with Jenny for a bit but then fell apart again. Also Auntie Sarah doesn't have much of a relationship with Jenny either so it was odd.

Anyway at 8pm they decided to go back to the hospital and I went with them because I just wanted to see my grampy. I don't know my grampy well because of family arguments but I do love him a lot. Family are really important to me. There is a love I have for all my family that no matter what arguments have happened in the past etc I still love them all. Anyway I got to the hospital and put a brave face on it all. Chatted to grampy and gave him a big kiss. Saw Auntie Jenny (she looks so like mum) and Cameron and Lisa, all changed. We all went to him individually to say goodnight before we left and I told him I loved him loads, I almost said "get well soon" which would of made me look like a right idiot if I had.

I am so worried about mum at the moment, she was shaking like a leaf, she told me when she saw Grampy on her own for a few minutes he told her how much he loves her and that his one wish is for her to make up with her sister (Auntie Jenny). She is so worried about Anna too, I have told her not to and that she has me and Ben here for her and just to concentrate on supporting grampy and Pam at the moment.

I just feel so low, I can't stand the thought of Grampy being in pain, the cancer is spreading all over his body. It's just so cruel. As soon as he started noticing things he went to the doctors and had all the tests and even that is too late :(

I have emailed my boss Mark and asked him if I can have tomorrow off because I might go up and see him again and also because Anna needs me. I was off all last week because of Anna, I hope I don't get the sack but I can't concentrate on work....let alone sleep at night to feel fresh in the morning and awake.

Sorry for the morbid entry.

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