Ellen Stafford (chicaboo25) wrote,
Ellen Stafford
chicaboo25

The Night...

Night time is always weird for me. I am sat here knowing I should go to bed but I find it so hard to relax at night. I am not scared of the dark though I do sleep with a lamp on...its more a case of when its dark I feel suffocated. I just can't breathe.

I don't know why last nights dream came back to me now, I wish it hadn't. It makes me want to stay up more. Fear of returning to it. It wasn't an awful dream, just about part of my past which I never fully understood. Basically there was a man called Winston who lived in the same area as me as a kid. When I got to the age of about 14 he started talking to me, just chatting to me and my friend Caroline whilst he worked on cars in his garage. We used to skate around that area as there was a lovely bit of tarmac that was really great for skating on...so smooth. Anyway he started to stalk me a bit, like when I was outside Caroline's house at the other end of the area (I choose the word area as I don't like the word estate always makes me think of rough areas and it wasn't like that) he would drive around and stop and wind down his windows or just stop and look at me. It got worse to the stage where he started to ask me to write him love letters and leave them on his car (which I NEVER did) and he said things like "I want to be your first."

Sometimes I wonder did I encourage him in anyway by being a friendly neighbour? I can't see I did. I didn't fancy him and it was obvious I was chasing after the paper boys at the time. Eventualy it all came to a head...Caroline told his wife one day that he had been saying these things to me. She came out the house and asked me if it was true, I said it was and she just went off on one at me. Swearing at me infront of all the kids around the area. I was so embarrased and upset that all I could do was tell mum. Mum went and sorted it out and told him what she thought of him and to stay away from me. His wife seemed to hate me from then on....

Until a couple of years ago.....I bumped into her in a supermarket and she was plesant to me, asking me what I was up to and how I was. I then found out that her husband had run off with a girl of 15 who he had got pregnant. I guess she realised I was telling the truth.

Anyway the thing is last night I dreamt of Winston....dreamt that he was after me....its silly...but it still sort of scares me....
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