I might pop over and see Ana sometime this week at a guesthouse in town. Her aunt is away and she is running it. She is a sweetheart and has been emailing me since Mark (my boss) has been away every day. She is a drama teacher so she might even manage to persuade me to join the drama group.
Doing 90% of the work has been fun but I must say it is a relief to hand it back over to Marky and Laura. I am just crap with the London areas whereas Mark is from there so knows exactly where all the B&B's are.
I have chatted to Gary more and his mum hehe....infact sounds like all the people at Gatwick B&B has seen my picture/website....I seriously hate to think what they think of me but nevermind :)
So yeah I think its done me good this week but now I can chill.....so hopefully I will start feeling a bit better......just other areas of my life I need to sort out now...my money situation...amongst other things...
I need to make some new friends. I mean its great being best buddies with nigelb28 but he has people he works with etc as friends.....so I want to make some new friends...I am hoping to meet a couple in the next week or so if I feel up to it.
I need to stop being scared of girls as well. I have been fine chatting to Ana via email all week, we have the same sense of humour and swear like troopers hehe. Also mandabea she is great, I have been more open with her than I have any girl since I left school when I was 16. I guess I just stopped seeing girls when I left school. I mean I never had loads of friends anyway but I did have a few. I tried to get back in touch with some but we have changed so much that I just find I have nothing in common with any of them.
I always feel other girls look at me weirdly because I am not into the girly crap (sorry girls)...like makeup...beauty...appearance and all that. Maybe I get on better with men because I feel I have the upper hand...or something. With girls I feel they look at me like "God she is so weird" but maybe that is just me thinking it. Even when I have met people like flucked_up_girl, hazeln and bluelotus I have felt like I find it hard to talk to them. I have talked to them obviously but I feel so shy. I don't really know what that says about me. I have some kind of problem with women.
What I would like to do is meet mandabea and actually sit and talk because I feel I probably could feel pretty comfortable around her, as we have quite a bit in common. I dunno. I want to get over this and stop hiding from people and myself. I want to have a friendship with a girl other than my mum and sister where I feel comfortable I can talk about anything. It's just hard for me.
Anyway I am going on now.....